“I wonder if everyone has a tragic doppelgänger story,” poet G.M. Palmer* said in reaction to my recent essay. “I know I do.” He proceeded to tell me a tale that echoed my experience of the surreal, then tragic feeling of finding and tragically losing a real life double. It thrilled me to think I had stumbled upon a hidden collective experience. My personal story contains everything I enjoy in fiction: seemingly inexplicable mystery couched in a realistic setting where the magic could be explained, but isn’t really. It involves familial yearning, fantasy, addiction, surreal and inexplicable bonds, and death. And it’s a true story.
Thank you to my family for letting me respectfully explore this profound experience with my late cousin, Rebecca Brewster. Rest in peace.
Given the personal nature of this essay, I’m honored that it appeared in the Metanoia issue of Monologging, a literary-arts magazine that connects writers with artists around the world, encouraging collaborative multi-media creation.
*Palmer and I also share an agent, the illustrious Nat Kimber. You can also read his work in this issue of Metanoia, as well as an essay on purity culture by my dear friend and creative collaborator, Amanda E.K.!